Depression and Reactions:
What is Depression and Reactions? Why do depressed people don’t share their inner selves? Are they mad? Are they abnormal? Or are they aliens?
And what is more important, our reactions showing what we feel or what they feel? Sympathy or empathy? Selfish or selfless? Self-obsession or self-reflection?
What is Depression:
There are times when life is unfair to us and then, there are times when we are unfair to life. Sometimes, life fails to satisfy our expectations and sometimes we just fall prey to our own hopelessness. Sometimes, all we need is someone to be there, to be there for us when no one can be… when we want someone to stand for us when we have lost confidence on ourselves. At such times, that little hope in us wants someone to tell us that we are not that bad- it was a bad time, a bad circumstance and a bad moment, and it has gone now. We want someone to hold onto us when we can’t. We want someone we can rely on. Someone, for whom we are the top priority and we want to be treated well. Someone who trusts us more than we have on ourselves. Someone who could read our hearts through our eyes. Someone who makes us believe in the goodness of this cruel world again. That someone could be anyone, your parents, a friend or a lover. It is not important who it is but what is important is that there should be that someone in our life.
People would come and go from your life, some will come from a longer time and others will come for a much shorter time but all of them enter into your life for some reason, either to reinstate your faith in goodness or to awaken you from your sleep of false hopes and give you a bad exposure, but anyhow, all of them leave while giving you some experience.
Again note that, people are not bad but it is just the circumstances that were bad. Everyone has three sides, an angelic good side-that they show, a bad devilish side- that they show when things don’t go accordingly, and then a side that they hide from the world and don’t want anyone to see or feel-this is the side that stops them from sharing their deepest secrets with anyone, the side that tells them that others will react or judge them, they keep these sides hidden and locked up in boxes, but once they let you in, and let you see that side of themselves, it means they trust you badly, it means that they aren’t afraid of you because they know that you will understand. Well, that’s the point when we make ourselves vulnerable and that’s the point when we give others a right to hurt us and literally, this is the point when we get the thing that I mentioned earlier- an experience, can be good and can be bad.
Mental Health Vs Physical Health:
Coming towards the second thing, mental health vs physical one. Human beings are blessed with various blessings, one of them being the 5 senses that let them see, hear, smell, taste and touch. Out of all these, the sight being the dominant among all of these, meaning that we, Homo sapiens believe in the famous saying that Seeing is believing, hence, we always believe blindly on what we see. Thus, the physical debilitating condition that is quite evident when one is having a fatal illness that reflects its symptoms through deterioration of one’s physical health, everybody sees the condition, the reports, the symptoms and thus, they end up believing that the other person is sick and needs them. On the second hand comes the mental health, being sadly said that even today in the 21st century, most of us are unaware of the importance of Mental health and how one’s disturbed mental state can lead to severe long lasting impacts on the physical health if the problem isn’t sorted right then and there when it started.
The one’s who are depressed and fighting a war within themselves are already so afraid of themselves so what these poor souls would tell the world- the world that is ready to criticize and judge. More than half of the depressed people don’t show their sadness and hopelessness to anyone because they are scared of the reactions. Hence, in this case, you will not see any pity-seeking case scenarios as you would when the physical health is unwell. Though, you would have to use another special sense for this case scenario and that is- feel. And trust me, these depressed people are tired of fighting with themselves, they are already so afraid of their own existence, so honestly, they need your support in those hard times. Even a text showing care, a smile showing that I-am-here-for-you, a kind gesture of holding hand and patting back showing you-are-not-alone-in-this and a caring heart is all that you need to console their shattered pieces. Is it that hard?
Well, then there are these people who would tell these lot that they need to stop expecting from others and that they are themselves enough for taking care of themselves and that they need to learn how to be more of an independent person rather than depending on others. They would also tell them that they need to work on their faith. But they are all forgetting that Allah has blessed us all with families and friends for support. Even our all Prophets needed that support-emotional and physical, in their hard times. History proves that Hazrat Muhammad SAW felt emotionally at peace when his wife Hazrat Khadija consoles him with her kind words. We are different from the angels and all other beings on the basis of thinking and feeling. God has given us limbic system (a part of brain that controls our emotions) so that we can feel- good, bad, pleasant, angry, sad, happy and so on. Even Allah has asked us to be kind. For God’s sake, we need to stop this thinking of ours that causes no good but only bad that being depressed is abnormal, because it is not. It is just an emotion and expression of sadness just like another feelings of happiness and anger. It is normal to be sad and upset. What is not normal is reacting in a cruel way that hurts them further in ways that can’t be written, thus, making them feel more guilty about feeling sad.
When anyone reaches the last stages of mental torture and decides to open up and tells that they are sad or feeling helpless, they get to hear that they are malingering and people around them start reacting with anger that how can you think this? How can you do this? Are you abnormal? Are you in your senses? Well, questions are asked to someone who is able enough to answer them not to someone who is already waiting for his questions to be answered. And honestly, these kind of reactions cause them to feel more guilty, they start questioning their self-worth, when they need to feel their worth.
Can you connect the dots now?
These sad people are found in all of us, they are really very good actors and can act very well by hiding their real feelings deep inside, locked in the boxes of that part that they don’t want anyone to see or feel (as mentioned earlier). They would be broken inside but would still manage to smile. They are the most caring people around you who would know the pain and that torture of waking up feeling empty but still wearing the vague meaningless smile and so they would never want anyone to feel that terrible and that’s the reason of their kindness- yah, that friend of yours who always texts you when you are in deep trouble asking “Are you okay?”. You would tell them a thousand times that they need to stop being good to others and you would be tired of dictating them this but trust me, you don’t know the reason behind their kind nature. As every sinner has a future just like that every saint has a past. These are the saints of goodness and positivity who have a past.
And as I said that we all need someone well, look around and you will see that these saints are that someone in your life. They are their always for you because they have been there, have felt that and know the pain. But unfortunately, these depressed saints would never find someone on whom they can rely, in this world full of people like us who would continue on thinking that seeing is believing, and that’s the reason they would never open up to anyone.